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Introspection


I took an unscheduled break from writing. I would start writing and stop several times, but never finished any of my thoughts. During my unscheduled break, I did a lot of introspection. Months ago I talked about journeys that I’m currently walking, yet I didn’t go into any details about them. So I’ll allow you to just peek into some aspects of both of the journeys that I’m taking. 


I have an addiction. I didn’t know I had this addiction until two or three years ago. The hardest thing is admitting you have a problem because you want to feel like everything in your life is alright. But no, I’m not okay. I struggle everyday. I look back over my life and I can see various ways/places my addiction has took control of my life and how I allowed it. I did nothing to break the addictive control. Hell, I didn’t even think of it as an addiction; to me it was something that everyone did at some point in their life for one reason or another. I just took it to another level and there was no affect on me what so ever. Although it should have. I should have felt something, felt differently, or did something differently. But I didn’t.


Talking to a very good friend last week she asked me a question about my second journey. She said, "You don’t deal with too many people, so how is this journey going to work out for you?" Hmmmm, that’s a great question, because she’s totally correct. I’m an introvert, I don’t deal with a lot of people, and I never have dealt with a lot of people because I’m just not that type of woman. I keep my circle small. I’m still on this journey hard though, and still trying to figure out how to maneuver in this new space. I guess at some point I’ll have to make myself available to other people in order to complete this journey. Otherwise, how will I complete it? Will I just quit or remain walking aimlessly?


I’ll continue this introspection. Since I’m always thinking anyway, I might as well think about something important.


o.flows.up~

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